[This is me going back a couple of days. I haven't really written anything else lately, so forgive the messiness of the following blog. In short... this is going to be ridiculous.]
How do I hold this down without the lines to define where the thoughts are supposed to go? The words are lost in translation, it's hard to define this miscommunication. The meaning pulls away from discovery without a clue for near and future recovery. I've got the string wrapped tight around my finger; I've got my grip on a really weak memory.
Shadowboxing, desperately clinging to hope. Trying hard to lose grip before.....
[NOTE: There's a really big gap here where I just write a string of obscenities before I get to the next thought.... I'll leave those out for sanity's sake, yours and mine.]
Uninspired tired unmotivated
colorful picture, no longer holds fascination
someone has robbed me of excitement?
The delivery is a bit shaky, like I'm new again. I used to be so good at recording thoughts on paper. I miss the days when I felt fulfilled by poetry. Absolutely zero. That's how many pieces of inspiration there is moving inside this fucking shell.
Shell! An empty shell, wishing, hoping, praying, but coming up with nothing fast. Coming up short at every turn because nothing is moving. Nothing is stirring. Nothing. Nothing. But please say something because my heart is so full of vivid thoughts of promises unfulfilled.
All there is... is noise. The momentum has died and so quickly. It's like the train willingly derailed itself! (Trying to desperately dive back into myself but I am finally devoid of dreams.) I have nothing to hope for anymore! Nightmares.
[In hindsight... this next bit scares me.]
Nightmares quickly coming true in broad daylight. Empty playgrounds. Silence and dull wakefulness, like the remaining ash after everything has burned down. We are the only storytellers left in a world where the listeners have lent their ears to the fire. The children are yet unborn who will be fully awakened with new and eager hearts, and when they rise, we will all give way to a generation alive with a fire that doesn't destroy but instead creates hope and instills inspiration. Am I holding out for a future that won't arrive in my lifetime? Will I be destroyed and become part of the rubble? I need your arms to hold me up so I don't burn away. I need your heart to hold me up so I don't burn away.
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